What is an RBF? You may have one or experienced seeing one at some point. RBF stands for Resting Bitch Face. Layman’s terms, when your relaxed facial structure makes it look like you’re angry, annoyed or upset. I’ve been told by many people I look unapproachable sometimes, then again, I think that of a lot of other people too.
My theory: We all have some level of RBF, but some, like me, show it more than others.
I’m here to share with you how my RBF got me embarrassingly kicked out of a party by a now ex friend. I’m not going to lie, I still have lowkey nightmares about this because shit was traumatizing as hell, but listen…I’m okay! I survived! So let’s rewind to 2016 to the beginning of the end of a friendship.
I started to hang out with this girl I met in college, let’s call her Tammy (because I’ve got Parks and Rec withdrawals after their special came out). This all takes place during the fall of 2016, so I had lots of free time given I was a recent graduate still searching for my career move. She was really good at staying in touch with me and to be honest, the attention she gave me felt like she was genuinely interested in becoming a close friend.
We started to hang out a lot. She lived in her own apartment at the time, I was still at home, so I’d be invited over and we’d do fun activities like movies, drinks, dinner…she even once invited over another friend to do henna tattoos on us.
One thing I really liked about Tammy was her ambition. She was smart and witty as hell. She and I were in the same major and she by far, was making her way in the industry before majority of other individuals I knew. It was great turning to her for career advice because I didnt have anybody at the time who was looking into the same career avenues as me. She was extremely candid about her work ethic and I was really lucky to have someone to bounce ideas off of. We had gotten so close that I also met her boyfriend and her mom. I remember we all went out for frozen yogurt at one point. She even talked about doing an overseas trip with me the following year.
The week before Thanksgiving 2016 was when SHIT. HIT. THE FAN.
Tammy invited me to her Friendsgiving party. I worked a late event that night and I was really tired afterward but I thought “she personally invited YOU and you need to be grateful for the invitation.” I picked up some store bought desserts because your girl didn’t have time to make anything and I headed over.
She greeted me just as normally, I looked disgusting because I didn’t think about packing a nice outfit (*face palm) and I only knew one other person there, whom was a social butterfly and was already engrossed in a conversation with someone. I felt really out of place, but I thought maybe as the night progressed I’ll relax and enjoy myself.
And things in fact did. At first I was pretty awkward. It seemed like everybody knew each other except me, so it felt out of place trying to interject myself into conversations I had zero knowledge about. Call it self esteem issues or social anxiety, but I was riding that struggle bus for a hot minute! A group game started and I began to relax more because now we were all involved in something together. I felt way more at ease as we kept playing and it started to feel nice being there.
The game began to wind down a bit and it was just me and a few other people still in it. Suddenly, Tammy comes up behind me and says something along the lines of “I don’t think you want to be here. You have some negative juju.” I first thought she was simply checking in with me and I told her I was okay and was having fun, but this is where the story TURNS YA’LL.
Tammy began explaining in front of everyone how I was a negative energy, that I was rude and that I was giving her dirty looks throughout the night. Yo, in front of everyone, I actually started to cry because CHICK WAS ATTACKING ME WHEN I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS PLAYING GAMES! Like dang, she be telling me I had negative juju, but girl was starting a fight with me mid party, like honey what is you doing??
Worse part was she tells me to take whatever food I wanted and to leave. I froze bro, like, I couldn’t even be sassy back because I was in complete shock. I was a hella wuss because after that I hid in the bathroom for like 10 minutes, drawing even more attention to the situation.
Before I left with my tail between my legs I asked for Tammy to step outside with me to speak. I started to go into a full blown panic speech explaining how I had zero clue what she was talking about, that I was not giving her any dirty faces, and that I was having a great time. Girl was not even listening. My entire schpeel was going in one ear and out the other.
Her boyfriend eventually came out and told us we were being too loud, mainly me because she was extremely passive while I was talking. Eventually, I knew nothing I said would help because she already made up her mind about the night. I felt embarrassed and defeated. It’s like I was on trial trying to prove my innocence to a judge that had severe tunnel vision. I ended up going home, red faced and crying. I phoned another friend that night to talk about it. She listened, albeit I felt bad for dumping all of it on her.
The next morning, I was still real shaken from the whole experience, so I thought I’d try to reach out to Tammy to smooth things over now that we’ve slept on things, but I come to find she deleted me and/or blocked me off of all social media. I took the hint, deleted her number from my phone and the rest as people say is history.
I’ma be honest, It took me TIIIMMEE to get over that one. I was so dramatic back then thinking like “my life is in shaambleess!!” Think Michael Scott declaring bankruptcy and that was me.
After that night, I kept replaying over and over again the entire evening trying to find what I could’ve done differently for a positive outcome and every single time I came up with nothing. Just as quickly, a revelation hit:
If you’re a real friend and you’re bothered by another friend, the mature thing to do would be pulling that person aside and expressing your feelings in order to create an open conversation. I shouldn’t have to worry about a friend going full on Mean Girls on me if they truly were friends with me. Someone that can turn so easily has absolutely no business being in my life, so although it hurt, LAWD knew I needed to grow through it.
I hadn’t thought about Tammy that much after the whole incident until one day out of nowhere her stuff started to show up on my Facebook again. I can only assume she unblocked me or there was a Facebook malfunction. Either way, seeing her name pop up was legitimate closure because the moment I saw her on my feed, I clicked her profile and deleted her myself.
friend invites me to party, friend sees me with RBF, friend kicks me out of party, and me learns the hard way that not every friend will turn out to be a friend.